Jizz Protocols

The other day - that would be yesterday for any of you hung-over sots - I was doing the late afternoon lunch thing with my potential. Hadn't really discussed much beyond what an idiot our waiter was and how nice the bread was and how much we - well, I - needed more caffeine. Poor Forrest Gump waiting tables at a chain restaurant - the waiter basically thought I'd been in the service industry because I used the phrase "on the fly." Lordy. I don't think he's management material.

Anyway, not having discussed our dining choices, The Potential in his oh-so-retro show of manners lets me order, then comes out with his order, swapping the broccoli listed on the menu for asparagus.

Asparagus

If you've never gone down on someone who had asparagus for dinner, lunch, etc., and never yourself plowed through a pound of it for an entire meal, then gone to the bathroom only to be met by one of the oddest odors ever, let me quote from dontspitswallow.com:

At the same time, you should also limit your intake of foods that break down into strong tasting or smelling chemicals that are excreted by the body, like asparagus.

Being an impulsive kind of gal, when The Potential gave his order, I did the head snap and said, "What?!" Even Forrest had to have gotten it. I know the Potential did. I even think he and I talked about it very briefly, but the moment's humiliation has burned that out of my memory.

This being very early in my getting to know The Potential, I feel like I overstepped my boundaries. Who am I to tell him what to eat and what not to eat on the off-chance that he'll spill his seed in my mouth instead of the business end? Anyone else ever have to negotiate dining choices with your significant others? I mean, it's not a one-way street - it affects all fluid secretions.